GOING THROUGH YOUR PARTNERS PHONE

So you’re in this relationship and you smell a rat, and ladies you know that when that feeling overcomes you it usually means your intuition is right. So what to do next! The first reaction is to confront your partner with your suspicion. He will either accept or deny any foul play on his part. Should he fuss up, and he agrees to end whatever he was busy with good for you. However, when he lies and continues his shadiness you’re likely to start fishing for evidence (Don’t go acting like you haven’t played detective before). So to try and understand this hugely debated issue amongst the sexes I decided to consult people from both sexes (male and female), to gain their opinion. Mind you, this question applies to situations where attempts to talk about the situation have not been fruitful. So in the event that the sting of the rat continues to strengthen, being a detective is often deemed okay.

Is it okay to investigate your partner on suspicion of infidelity?  

The gents opinion:

“...If you get to the point of investigating your partner rather cut your loses cause you will never like what you find”

“you don’t have to investigate, you can ask if it’s ok if the person has nothing to hide then they will allow you access but if they do not want to do so then there is definitely something going on thus my point about trust” in which he said “snooping is a big no no as it’s an invasion of privacy but it’s also heart breaking for the party investigating cause ultimately the relationship might not be worth it as it is not based on trust”

“If you search for something, you will find something. Suspicions of cheating are based on one of two things:

1. Your own insecurities that blur your judgment and over exaggerate things

2. A genuine reason to be concerned”

“The guy should not mind her going through her phone and the girl shouldn't want to. That's the ideal situation in a relationship. But if the guy minds - it’s a problem. If the girl always wants to - it’s a problem” moreover, “assuming the suspicion is warranted, what would an investigation achieve that straight honest talk wouldn't. A successful or unsuccessful investigation yields the same results – distrust”. In fact “a person I am investigating and/or who lies to me blatantly is not one I would stay with. So if the person has told me with a straight face that he/she is innocent and yet my gut STILL doesn't believe it is a deal breaker. That type of doubt and real love are mutually exclusive I wouldn't bother investigating because the seed of mistrust is already there regardless of the outcome”

So the gents seem to agree if your man is being shady after you’ve directly approached him with your suspicions and he continues with whatever he is busy with, know this now, that relationship has no future as the trust has been broken. Once trust is broken it will take some high power help from the lord your God who gives you grace to salvage that relationship, moreover, he will need to be super sincere and ready to start being a man worthy of being in your life.

The ladies opinion:

“Personally, I don’t want to go through my man’s phone but if he changes so much so that I start to feel like he is moving on without releasing me I will investigate”

“My problem is the disrespect men show when they get caught cheating: serves you right for going through my phone. I hope you find what you were looking for” this is after he looked you straight in the eyes and they had sworn that nothing was happening or that it was just harmless fun but what does that mean for your relationship? Am I simply not good enough? Should I walk and find someone else who will treat me better? If you are unhappy why wouldn't you let me go because clearly I can’t give you what you want”           

“I want to be a priority not an option and if you have found someone whom you’re happy with don’t string me along, let me go”

“It’s ok to go through his phone if your suspicions are warranted but don’t go provoking a situation”

The sisters on the other hand seem to agree with the gents on it being a huge no, no however they just want the man to understand that they don’t want to be kept on hold whilst they could be meeting people who really want to commit to them and give them the kind of relationship where they are secure enough to not be playing detective. The sisters want respect and sometimes knowing the truth even if its fished for, sets them free.

My personal opinion on the matter is once you go down that path; know that nothing but pain awaits you. The rug is literally going to be pulled from underneath you. In fact, you’re going to be forced to face the sad reality that the person you respected the most doesn't feel the need to return that respect. You might even take time to bounce back to reality, but you’ll be fine. The one thing you should remember is to know your worth and that’s something that a man/lady cannot give you. Moreover, if you stay know that the relationship dynamics from before you found out are not going to stay the same. On the upside however, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wise. Furthermore, it makes you realise what you will and wouldn't put up with. Going through a man’s phone also makes you lose a bit of your dignity and that is something you’re going to have to live with.