TRUSTING YOUR GUT

Often times we hear the expression ‘trust your gut’ or ‘trust your instincts’ yet as human beings we choose to ignore that gut feeling even when it is screaming so loud its echoes can be heard at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. So why do we ignore it?

It’s rather quite simple to be honest. As human beings we don’t like to fail, lose or even acknowledge defeat when we set our minds to wanting something. We ignore the red flags so much so we turn them green just so we can justify why we went past them in the first place. Like babies, we like to be told what we want to hear even when we know clearly, there is no truth in what is being said.

We need to remember, not all things in this life are meant to stay with us forever, jobs, friends, opportunities, girlfriends, boyfriends……………all these things are some point will need to be just seasonal and not worthy of a life time. Flowers bloom on a seasonal bases but an oak tree can grow and live longer then some human beings. This is the same with people and opportunities.

For heck’s sake even seasons change as do human beings. Remember that everything, person or opportunity has something different to offer. It is up to you to decide if what is being offered is what you want or need for yourself. Be wary to ask advice from people not befitting to give it, e.g. relationship advice from a non-committer, career advice from a career-less person. How do you ask advice, from someone who hasn't gotten it right themselves! Avoid putting yourself in situations where your gut is screaming No, No. Don’t push for the wrong things and complain when things go wrong.

Learn to communicate your needs and wants to avoid disappointments. Don’t make assumptions and expect to get the results or treatment you think you deserve if you don’t open your mouth. Don’t assume things because to do so, you will only ‘ASS-U-ME’. If you communicate your wants and needs and you aren’t getting them, move on and don’t waste your time. Stop pouring energy into something to make it work if it’s not right.

To quote Nina Shadi “…leave people behind that do not serve your happiness, and deplete you of joy. Don’t put your energy into feeding a person or experiences something that it doesn’t want or need. Don’t spend time with the people that do not make you happy and feed your soul. Don’t try to make people into something that they are not; and don’t do the same with experiences. Always keep in mind that everyone and everything has its own manual. Don’t assume that you have all the answers already, and know what’s best. Remember that we all have different needs, speeds of growth, feelings and communication styles. Read the instruction manual and proceed with caution. Stay away from bad apples. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and give people second chances, but always trust your gut and do what is right in your heart first and foremost. Remember, everything has meaning, and everything has its own phase; don’t try to extend it past that; it’ll only bring you unneeded pain and disappointment”.

HAVING JOY IN YOUR HEART

So in church this week I met a very interesting 87 year old woman. For someone her age she looked super happy and full of joy.

Let me just rewind this story from the beginning. So this Sunday in church as I was standing in the queue to have my bowl of soup, lost in my own thoughts and worries about life and all things worldly. This old lady turns around looks at me and says, I have so much joy in my heart in fact I have so much music in my heart I just want to sing. I was busy being in the bad neighbourhood of my mind, I looked at this lady and I said to myself what the hell just happened.

I politely asked her to repeat herself and she said “I have so much music in my heart I want to sing for the Lord”. Obviously having just been in my bad space I said to her I have no music in my heart at the moment. With that she turned around looked at me and smiled and started sing for me about having joy, the love of Christ through music in the heart. Upon finishing the song, she told me I don’t blame you for not having any music in your heart because things have changed so much so since she was a young girl. She said I can tell you this because I am 87 years old. I looked at her and said no way can you be that old. This woman had the body of a 70 year old and the spirit of a happy child. In fact reflecting upon this woman now, I can say I was jealous of the joy she seemed to have in abundance.

With that she continued singing the song for me until in finished. With which she looked at me and said I have seen so much in this life time I am ready to go home. Of cause, I was a bit slow to get her drift as I saw her walk away towards the table to have her soup in peace. I think she was telling me that she has lived a full life if she passed on now she would have no regrets.  In her absence from my side, I suddenly started asking myself who was I to have a heavy heart when even old 87 olds who has clearly seen more was not complaining. This woman has lived almost three life times compared to me yet she had the joy that even I didn’t have. In that moment I told myself to snap out of it because, I had not seen as much as this woman had in my life so I had no reason whatsoever to be this gloom.

GROWING UP AND MESSING UP

Today I woke up feeling rather odd. The kind of odd that you can’t explain yet it brings you so much peace you smile to yourself and wonder what the Lord has planned for you. The joy I feel in my heart at the moment is unexplained. If fact, it has put me at such ease that I know all will be well for a worrisome me. It is in this joy I chose to write this poem or whatever you want to call it.

GROWING UP

Remember how when you were young you couldn't wait to be older, I also use to be like that. I hated the fact that my mom made most of the decisions for me with regards to what I wore, where I went to school,  how I did my hair and to some extend who I could play with. Every time I did something wrong and I got scolded, I would say in my heart, I can’t wait to be older because I wouldn't have to deal with this shit no more.

For a while there growing up seemed to have its peeks. I felt that independence coming on and I started being able to choose what to wear, how to do my hair, who I could hang with and where to go to school. As a matter of fact I was being almost independent of my mom not forgetting I still received an allowance from her. Gone are the days when I needed her advice. I was now able to take decisions and be proud of myself. My mom’s hold on me was slowly diminishing and I loved it. I was slowly getting into the world.

With time, I found out boys were cool and having a boyfriend was just as great. In that point my mom has almost if not completely been erased from my mind were decisions are concerned. However, she notices the change in me and advises that one needs to be careful of boys. I look at her and smile and think to myself, what could she possibly know about guys. The arrogance of young people I tell you. In fact, I forget that my mom was once a young adult herself and she had lived through all this before.

However, when my first heartbreak kicks in, I realize how much I need my mother. I remember the days when she took all the decisions for me because they never led to any breaking of any sorts. The more mistakes I make the more I miss the dependence of having someone else take the decisions for me. A mother I had taken for granted and at times undervalued her wisdom just for the trill of this little thing I call independence. How foolish we are to think we can go through life without adult consult, wisdom is not born it is grown. So seek consult from your parents and appreciate their advice because when they are no more all you will have are mistakes and regrets of not having seeked it while they were alive. 

THE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED

I know I’ve not been writing as much as I use to but I've been busy so do bare with me. In the wake of my absence from blogging so many wonderful things happened. As a matter of fact, it is because of these wonderful things that I got the time to reflect on life in general. After much denial and debates with my friends (God bless their sweet souls) they figured its time I started writing about more positive things and less of the agro stuff. Having ears on my head and my heart I took this advice to heart. I am not totally ditching the juicer topics; however, I will try to balance the blog posts from now on. With that said, today I am going to touch on the issue of APPRECIATION.

What is appreciation?

I am not one shy of showing emotion and appreciation. I try to tell my friends and family how much I appreciate them because every day we have is borrowed. As human beings, it is in our nature to take certain things for granted like friends, family, a good education, a good lady/man etc. We are so wrapped up in overlooking the people we care about, we forget to tell them how much they mean to us because we assume they know we do.

Assumptions can be pretty dangerous, and you don’t want to live a life of regret. How often do tell the people you care about that you appreciate them, or how often do you pray and thank the Lord your God for a new day? I mean we don’t just miraculously wake ourselves up without the grace of a greater being. Do you even take the time to thank him for always holding your hand in the darkest hours of your life? Growing up I always use to wonder why our parents become so religious the older they got. They are always reminding you to have the presence of God in your life and go to church. In fact, I even use to mock the fact that only disappointed people went to church, boy was I so wrong.

A good friend of mine once told me, you can not want to succeed in life and not be anchored in the grace and guidance of God. At the time I had actually laughed it off and said whatever. However, the older I get, the more I've come to appreciate the institution that is religion. In this human life, there is only so much that your parents, family and friends can do for you. It is in this space that need to seek God, because where all else fails, God will still be the last man standing by your side and telling you all will be well. This is the space in which our parents place us when we venture out into to the world without them. Every time I went home my mom would fuss about my lack of religions grounding and I would tell her to chill and every time I gave her that answer she would reply “my dear owapumbwa kalunga mongalemweno yoye, Tameka uutale hoyikongeleka” (which translates into, My dear, you need God in your life please start going to church) and I’d reply soon mom, soon.  

When I called her to talk about anything that was bothering me, she would always tell me to pray. Its only when I started taking her advice to heart that I finally came to appreciate why she felt the need for me to find God because only then could I appreciate him and his teaches to make me realize that all the things I considered to be problems were actually not especially if I prayed about them. 

GETTING WITH A MARRIED MAN

Article written by: Butterfly Girl 

How I never thought this would be me one day. Like most girls, I grew up to have dreams of a perfect husband at a certain age. I never thought this would happen to me. No one really thinks it will happen to them. No one wishes for it to happen, until one day, you’re in this too deep and you won’t get out.

Yes, I am talking about that one thing…..that complicated thing. An affair with a married man! I never could comprehend how one gets involved with a married man, how do you let yourself get in so deep, so deep that you won’t listen to reason, that you won’t see things for what they are, that he will never leave his wife, it doesn’t matter what he tells you and how much it looks rocky on his end with his wife, he will not leave his wife. And here you are, always telling yourself, “well; with me it’s different”. Yes, it’s always different isn’t it? Perhaps it’s because you are two different people? Mind you the situation is always the same though, the scenario is always the same as the other people’s stories that you’ve heard of. But still, even with all those facts, you still “believe” your case is different.

This was not written to discourage or encourage anyone to do anything. I’m merely sharing this story because I never shared it with anyone really.

I was involved with a married man; I never thought it would happen to me. I didn’t want it to ever happen to me. But it did. So what? Well, I don’t know what to say about it. That man was wonderful I tell you. Now, here’s the difference too about mine, his wife knew about me. They had arranged their life in such a way that I was accommodated too. Yup, I had that kind of an affair with this man. So I had like 3 days in a week, just for me, and the family had the four days. On weekdays, I had the Monday, Wednesday and Friday lunches to spend with him, and Tuesdays and Thursdays and most weekends were for the family.

I don’t know why girls get involved with married men (I speak of girls because I am one and I speak only of what I know). But for me, it was more because I wanted to know what it is I’m warning girls about when I tell them, “don’t ever date a married man”. What exactly are you saying? Why shouldn’t they? So for me, I dated a married man for the experience, for the lesson to learn. I’m one of those people, when I’m told not to touch a hot stove, I will touch it just to see why I got such a stern warning and from that, I will have my own experience to live and tell. So the same applied to this relationship. I did it for the experience. I wasn’t particularly in love with this man, or did I at any point fall in love with him, no, I just liked the way he treated me because HE was rather in love with me. We didn’t have the relationship where I get showered with jewelry and trips to places, no, I had the other one. The one where we sit in a restaurant and he looks at me not like he’s undressing me, no, but like I’m the only thing in the world that exists at that moment. This man was the ideal boyfriend, the kind of guy every girl wants and dreams of. The one who makes you a priority, the one that makes you a point of his existence, even if it’s just for a while. This man would sneak off work to have coffee with me, he would get out of a meeting to come see my face.

It was great to have that kind of attention, to have been loved like that, if there’s such a thing at all. I felt great. And mind you, this man didn’t have problems in his marriage, he simply just fell in love with me and “there was nothing he could do but be with me” he’d said. So I let him.

It was fun though, it was wonderful to have that kind of thing with a man. He made me feel so butterfly-like. When it was over though, I had no regrets, I had learned a lot and unfortunately for the men out there, my standards have gone up high. Now that I know that kind of thing really exists and I have gone through it, I know I don’t have to settle for bullshit. I have learned one thing though, one important thing, and it’s that I never want that kind of relationship again. It’s so limited, we never shared my small moments, I couldn’t call him all the time or any time I wanted. So no thank you ma’am, I won’t go back there now that I know how hot that stove is.

I’m a very open-minded girl, I take chances that I didn’t really think I’d ever have guts to take. I still do, because we only regret the things we didn’t do. So I live!

LIVE AND LET LIVE!!           

SHOPPING WOES

I recently found myself looking at my closet and going what the hell. Yep, as in the closet is empty (by women standards) and the last time I was actually in the shop buying anything was last year. Yes, I had become a shopping virgin in the last 4 months straight! If you’re a woman you’re thinking what an achievement and the guys are probably going sure thing that’s normal. So how did I become the girl who hasn’t bought anything in forever, in simple terms I am what they call a student or as my dad likes to put it ‘the leech of his money’.

Being a student is hard especially when you like things the way I do. I am at a point where I have to make an informed decision between KFC one meal and its gone or buying bread which can go beyond 3 days. At times I’ve had to convince yourself the mall is an infectious disease that I need to stay away from because all it does is take and take your money. It is even worse if you are a red label groupie like me................SALES girl. In order for me to stay away from the red labels I avoid the mall like the black plague. As a matter of fact when I told my friend I had not bought anything (clothe wise) they thought I was strong excising self control (The internal laughter I had at that moment) which was an absolute lie. I was flat broke to buy anything, period.

So as a reward for good behaviour I went out and got myself a top. Boy did I make a huge mistake. I felt like an ex alcoholic in a liquor store. Everything in the store was calling out to me and my atm card. The speed at which I left the mall was faster than sonic the hedgehog (Know your cartoons...LOL). Needless to say this new found hippie life style is good for my bank account which is already struggling to get to month end. 

DOING THE RIGHT THING

I don’t know about you, but do you ever feel like in doing the right thing it normally translates into you losing out. Sorry, have I lost you, let me try and explain this in the simplest of manners. The hardest thing to do in this life or the next is to do the right thing! Question is what does doing the right thing mean? To me it basically means not doing to others what you don’t want done unto you.  Some might argue that if you are not benefitting from doing this so called right thing does is make it right! Question I would ask is this, does doing right need to translate into you gaining from it?

The sad reality is that in doing the right thing you are always more likely to lose out, worse still is that after you’ve done the right thing you’re likely to want to rethink your decision because you don’t benefit. In fact I feel often enough this life of ours, is likely to reward people who don’t do the right thing. It is just messed up because it feels like the baby literally gets thrown out with the bath water on you. True, you could argue that in doing the right thing a feeling of slight regret can be invoked in terms of you doing the right thing, however, this feeling is temporal. The question you need to ask yourself is this, what is more important to you, being rewarded or having a clear conscience?

Honestly, speaking for me I have found my conscience to be more important than the rewards because what is the point of having rewards when you lose sleep over them. When your conscience is not clear it’s basically like living inside a prison in your mind, a prison of your own making none the less. So if rewards are what you after, by all means step on people’s toes and wrong them all the time. But if you want eternal peace do the right thing, your rewards might not come then and there but when they do arrive they will be in abundance and everlasting. As a matter of fact that feeling that comes with it, is one in which you can look in the mirror and be proud of the person reflected in it. Moreover, as a young person what would you want to teach your own kids in terms of right and wrong.