IS THIS IT!

Have you ever woken up and just asked yourself that dreadful question “Is this it?” I mean this in a literal sense. Like waking up next to wrong person, you take a look at your life and just ask yourself, “is this really my life”. “Is this all there is to this life or is there is more?”

Grrr, I don’t know maybe I am over-thinking this natural process called life, but really now, am I the only one who questions their current position on this life cycle (slash) eco system.  If your answer is NO or HELL TO THE NO, than join the club. Ok, now that we are on the same page, my question to you is, “what is your plan of action to change the situation?”

I mean, is it really possible to be totally happy and content and if so, is there a baseline to which one should aspire to? When you think about it, I am sure we all have that base that makes us different. This could explain the reason why we have different taste in music, fashion choices or do we simply mimic the rest of the world and become followers instead of trend setters.

I know I sound like a raving lunatic but have you ever wondered what role you play in this society that we live in, because like any animal kingdom, it really is about survival of the fittest. Where dream killers shut down the ideas and aspirations of those who want and choose to be different.

I mean how often do you get someone telling you that your idea will not work, because they don’t understand it or because they fear you doing better than them. A dream is like a baby. You do not just give it to anyone. You need to nurture it and have the right people babysit it for you when you are not around. Much like saying you are pregnant and having someone poison you even before you can give birth.

Spreading your wings and having to fly will require having to leave some people behind, having to leave those baby killers behind.

I know I am told I am none to diplomatic about certain things quite frankly speaking diplomacy se more (you know what I mean). Diplomacy in the face of truth is just not AYOBA at all. That’s why we grow and grow apart. We do not grow to be diplomatic for the seek of peace which is like a wounding needing stitches but is held together by a plaster. 

You don’t have to take my word for anything that’s why you are entailed to your opinion. 

KEEP ON DOING GOOD EVEN IF IT PAINS YOU TO DO SO

Your truth and that of the world will always be different. Just like how you can care for some people and they might not necessary feel the same about you. Such is the reality of the world we live in. Not everything we see and believe is necessarily good for us, hence why we need to be careful of the people we let into our personal spaces.

However, amid all the standards of the world keep on doing good for those who don’t deserve it or look down on you, for the rewards you seek are those given to you by your heavenly father. Yes, I know it is not easy doing good for people who don’t deserve it, but you do it anyway. If they look down on your kindness and mistake it for dumbness or stupidity you keep doing it anyway because eventually, you will rip the rewards. When they eventually start to acknowledge your good virtues you can softly smile and walk away because you know you've held your end of the bargain according to God’s laws.

Doing good is hard and often you want to create short cuts by stepping on a few toes, but think of the internal peace you claim from knowing you have done right by the word of God and from there on out all else is in his hands. So when faced with the need to do evil instead of good, rather walk away and ask for guidance for no evil deed goes unpunished just like no good deed goes unrewarded. 

MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED BY WOMEN

So recent a few friends and I had a talk about Independent women. In as much as more women are becoming independent especially financially, they are apparently starting to make the men in their lives feel like they are not NEEDED.

Yep, I said. As much as we think men want strong independent women they also want to feel needed. It would seem that not asking for money to get your nails, hair or shopping done or simply asking for advice on important matters in your life is emasculating the men. Ladies that is why he is probably holding on to that side chick that squeezes him for every cent he makes.

So now my question goes to the guys, why do you need validating by virtue of material things? I am sorry but you don’t need to feel needed just because you can provide material things. Yes they are important to some, but if you are building your hope of a long term relationship based on this kind of validation you are in for a rude awakening. One that is, likely going to blow your socks off.

Let’s be honest, we live in a time where greed is governing the economy so much so that financial crises are becoming the order of the day. So explain to me how you will not be frustrated once you’re with someone who is not financially dependent on you, just because you want to feel like a man.

My brothers open your sees and remove the splinter of ignorance; the days of material validation as proof of being needed are long gone. We are now in an age where women need you to be good great men worth of strong women and are able to look at all that strength with appreciation. Yes we do need you, but if we don’t need to show it by taking your money all the time. We need you to be there for us emotionally because that’s the need we have the most.  

BEING PRIDEFUL

In life we often go around making stupid mistakes and judgement of others all in light of this thing called pride. Pride is so detrimental to the soul it can be your own worst enemy. Needless to say I am no stranger to this five letter word, even I can be so full of it occasionally sometimes for good but for the most times in the worst of situations.

As human beings we navigate towards pride in the most unnecessary of circumstances. For instance, at times when we’re wrong or have made mistakes that are eating away at our very soul, we would rather not apologise or admit we are wrong because of this stupid pride. We can be so full of it that; we only see, what we want to see, when we want to see it. When you’ve wronged people accept that you were wrong or they were wrong and forgive them, as we are only human. I’m not saying forgiveness is easy but it can be done, in fact all things are possible through Christ Jesus. I’ve been prideful with people so close it me I had no business being that, but I choose it thinking they would respect me more, instead they told me how stupid I was being and if I continued like this I would be dig my own grave with one of the deadliest of sins in the bible, hello even God hates pride because it cause a cloud in judgement. If you can’t take my word for it feel free to look at the following scripture verses (Leviticus 26:19, Chronicles 26:16, Proverbs 11:2, Isaiah 13:19; 2:12, Daniel 5;20, Deuteronomy 8:14 not forgetting the famous Corinthians 13:4) they all talk about God’s dislike of pride.

Pride is responsible for keeping some many people away from the blessing bestowed to them by the Lord. Pride will make a fool you long before you have seen and understood what is going on. It’s good to be walking around chest pumped out and you gloating in pride, that very same pride is making you look and act the fool. I’ve let pride control me for too long and I am sure I have missed countless blessings because of it, but I have turned a new leaf, pride and I have had fun together but it’s time for me to let him be. He has not brought me any good to date.

WHY DOES GROWING UP EQUATE TO LESS FRIENDS

So recently a good friend asked me a very important question. WHY DOES GROWING UP EQUATE TO LESS FRIENDS? The problem I had with this particular question was the fact that I was also guilty of being that kind of friend to some of my friends him included. By that ‘kind of friend’ I mean the one who has become so bad at keeping in touch because I am so wrapped up in my business. I find myself in a situation where the older I get, the fewer friends I have. For some odd reason I always assumed that was the natural order of life or is it!

However, I have come to realize that it is time to re-evaluate my stand point on the matter. The sad reality is we lose friends because both of you are not making an effort to work at that friendship. Yes, I understand that people are busy living their lives but taking time out to write a text, email or calling will not require 24 hours of your time. The worst is when people text and you don’t reply, talk about being told rude and clearly not interested. We are all busy, busy trying to make it in this life but we need to take time out to appreciate our friends. For now you might feel like you don’t need anybody and you truly might not, but we were not designed by God to without friends.  The reality is we have less friends the older we get because of the stages of life we go through. When in high school we start forgetting about our primary school friends, in varsity we forget the high school friends and after graduation we forget the varsity friends. However, ultimately, all this sense of forgetting is about making time management. Friendships like relationships need to be constantly maintained and worked on. Some might even argue that friends fall out because an element of jealousy in the success of others starts to creep in. Your true friends will always be there in your failures and success. So if you have friends who've stuck around through your waste of times without judgement or those who encourage you when you have lost hope in yourself, those friends are keepers.

So to answer this question, I guess some people just stop viewing us as friends as time passes by. They go on to start new circles and if you don’t move in those circles some friendship then frizzle out over time.

ALL MEN/WOMEN CHEAT OR NOT!

So if you live on this planet and you’re not under age it is safe to say you’ve used this statement at some point or another ‘all men/women cheat’ depending on which side of the spectrum you are standing. As true as this statement might sound, not all men or women cheat. Those who use the statement have just had the misfortune of learning from one of life’s experiences.


Truth be told no man or woman, who truly cares about the other person in their lives would want to cheat on them let alone hurt them, period! When you hurt your partner you also hurt yourself if you truly care at all for them. The infliction of pain on someone whom you care about is something you will never indulge in especially if you foresee a future with that person. In my opinion, people who cheat are those who can’t bring themselves to be honest with other person in their lives. For whatever the reasons, nothing justifies cheating. If you are unhappy or you’ve met someone else who tickles your fancy, tell the person in your life to release them and walk away. There is nothing worse than when one person is moving on whilst holding the other ‘hostage’ because you think lying is better. It is only better for you that is lying because you get to eat your cake and have it. If you truly care for the other person be honest with them. Yes, the truth will stink like hell but you’ll know where you stand enough to stop making a fool of yourself and fighting for a fight already lost. No, you shouldn’t have to read between the lines because the same way said you liked each other you can say it’s over. Rather the pain that goes away eventually and not the one that leads you into thinking all men/women cheat.


Remember that when you cheat you are not just cheating on someone, you are also cheating yourself out of trust and happiness on both sides of whatever you are involved in. There is only so many times that trust can be broken. Yes, things could get back to ‘some normal’ but you would also have helped induce paranoia which is only leads to fights, and more fighting. As human beings we often believe that lying is better, yet the ripple effects of lies are far more damaging. The next good women/men who walk into to the lives of the damaged are sacrificed by the mistakes of other. So know this now, not all men/women cheat, just because you got done over last time the next person you are going to be involved with might not cheat on you at all. Furthermore, stop carrying the baggage from your previous relationship into the next, because you will only ruin things before they have even begun. Sometimes, we are quick to fight for people forgetting that maybe just maybe that is not the person God has planned for you. Learn to guard your heart and pray you would be amazed at the peace God can give you in your darkest hours. So ladies and gentlemen if you aren’t feeling the person in your life let them go rather than making a fool of them by cheating on them. Remember, just because you got hurt today it doesn’t mean the same will happen tomorrow. There are genuine people out there, just be open enough to drop your baggage before you get back on the dating horse.

TRUSTING YOUR GUT

Often times we hear the expression ‘trust your gut’ or ‘trust your instincts’ yet as human beings we choose to ignore that gut feeling even when it is screaming so loud its echoes can be heard at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. So why do we ignore it?

It’s rather quite simple to be honest. As human beings we don’t like to fail, lose or even acknowledge defeat when we set our minds to wanting something. We ignore the red flags so much so we turn them green just so we can justify why we went past them in the first place. Like babies, we like to be told what we want to hear even when we know clearly, there is no truth in what is being said.

We need to remember, not all things in this life are meant to stay with us forever, jobs, friends, opportunities, girlfriends, boyfriends……………all these things are some point will need to be just seasonal and not worthy of a life time. Flowers bloom on a seasonal bases but an oak tree can grow and live longer then some human beings. This is the same with people and opportunities.

For heck’s sake even seasons change as do human beings. Remember that everything, person or opportunity has something different to offer. It is up to you to decide if what is being offered is what you want or need for yourself. Be wary to ask advice from people not befitting to give it, e.g. relationship advice from a non-committer, career advice from a career-less person. How do you ask advice, from someone who hasn't gotten it right themselves! Avoid putting yourself in situations where your gut is screaming No, No. Don’t push for the wrong things and complain when things go wrong.

Learn to communicate your needs and wants to avoid disappointments. Don’t make assumptions and expect to get the results or treatment you think you deserve if you don’t open your mouth. Don’t assume things because to do so, you will only ‘ASS-U-ME’. If you communicate your wants and needs and you aren’t getting them, move on and don’t waste your time. Stop pouring energy into something to make it work if it’s not right.

To quote Nina Shadi “…leave people behind that do not serve your happiness, and deplete you of joy. Don’t put your energy into feeding a person or experiences something that it doesn’t want or need. Don’t spend time with the people that do not make you happy and feed your soul. Don’t try to make people into something that they are not; and don’t do the same with experiences. Always keep in mind that everyone and everything has its own manual. Don’t assume that you have all the answers already, and know what’s best. Remember that we all have different needs, speeds of growth, feelings and communication styles. Read the instruction manual and proceed with caution. Stay away from bad apples. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and give people second chances, but always trust your gut and do what is right in your heart first and foremost. Remember, everything has meaning, and everything has its own phase; don’t try to extend it past that; it’ll only bring you unneeded pain and disappointment”.