The year that was 2013

Where do I begin to describe the year that was 2013. So many events, both good and bad to draw from, as such summing it up into a one pager is near impossible.


School front:
Let me just start by stating that school will never get easer the older you get. In fact it gets harder, trick is for you to recognize the importance of upgrading or complimenting your first degree. There will be days when things are more bad then good but just remember that's the natural process. The most important thing to remember is to keep pushing fore and look forward to the endless possibilities. So if you are in this situation just remember you're not alone.


Life front:
Let's just say its been a complex learning experience. I realised as a human being I have flaws and imperfections which are a prerequisite for living, learning and growing. There have been a few instances where I made an arse of myself and to date I clinch at the thought of the shit I have done, but in life we need to move on. Have I been proud of the certain decisions I've made yes and no, but I've managed to understand that beating myself up about things and trying to play police with my conscience is not a solution. Have I grown a bit, hell yes but most towards the end of the year when my eyes opened and I saw the light so to say. Am I likely to repeat my mistakes! I hope not because I still need to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the reflection I see. How do I foresee 2014 playing out, well all I can say is watch this space but the possibilities are endless.


Personal Reflections:
I can be an arse and I've found a tendency about myself I don't like. I need to find myself closer to god because I've allowed the world to overtake me. I'm not the saint I've projected to be (being a goodie two shoes is hard and impossible). Nice people finish last in the short run and score the highest in the long run. Not everything is black and white and until you've been in someone else's shoes don't judge. Finally, we all fall from grace occasionally but that doesn't make us bad people, that's why an annual self evaluation is necessary.


Let's embrace 2014 and welcome her challenges because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  


Happy 2014 now go out there and kiss life, make out with her like your life depends on it.

Rebooting

The year 2013 for has been one filled with way too many downs and less ups. In fact at some point I started wondering when all this hellish business was going to end. Thanx to some amazing friends + family, I rose from the clutches of hell and turned the odds in my favour like a boss (yes M you can gloat). So having conquered that, I am now faced with the oddest yet simplest scenario in the world, how am I going to reboot my energy levels this festive December. Needless to say my body and brain have all gone into shutdown mode. I am literally living of borrowed energy to the point where my mind has accepted that I am on holiday but not my workload is still hoping to be sorted before 2014. Some of you might even be able to relate. Point is December regardless of what needs to be done needs to be declared a month of festive resting and no work. A month for going to work only when you want to seeing as you’re likely to be less productive anyway. Let us all prepare to reboot for 2014, start afresh and forget most of the sad and unpleasant things of 2013.

Festive Fever

The festive season is around the corner and I for one cannot wait to be on holiday. At the moment I am physically and mentally exhausted. My battery is low and the all excitement I get is from thinking of the care free days ahead. As much as I want fun, it is also a time to be with loved one.

Can we all promise to have a safe and thought-out festive season, with minimum bad news! People don’t drive under the influence of alcohol, play safe (condomise) and remember you still need to see the dawn of 2014. For those of you into New Year resolutions, to you I say set your goals and let us all continue to dream big. Everything successful in this world begun with a dream so do dream on.

To the haters and everyone else who falls in that bracket, to you I say may the festive season bring you peace because clearly you need it. May you find internal happiness and realize the no one is this world is out to get you, but yourself.

To the lovers (friends & family) may you continue to be the people you’ve been throughout the year and years. Continue showering the world with those most needed positive energies. May we strive for bigger greater things beyond the realm of our own personal satisfactions. Touch as many hearts as possible so that those we touch may play it forward. Finally, remember Jesus was a prince born in a manger and he still becomes a prince of the people. Peace out!

Love letters and poetry

So recently I was having a chat with a friend of mine who recently become a Dr of English Literature, and he was listen to some love poetry and I was telling him how times have changed. I could not even remember when last a man wrote or read me a poem. In reality, we live in different times, where simple letter writing is non-existent.

I remember a time some many years ago when letter writing and poetry was an important part of attracting a woman’s attention.  With the uptake of all these social media non sense men are just not bringing their A game anymore. I partially blame us women because we have begun to settle for these mediocre so called less than romantic advances. Can either of you remember the last time you were made to feel like a princess/woman via something so simple and powerful like poetry or a love letter because I sure as hell cannot. Yes I am not saying we leave it all up to the men, we as women also need to pull in our A game.

Women and men alike, just because you have won him or her over it doesn’t mean the romance has to stop or how else are you going to keep the spark alive (whatever that means). The romance and magic should live well into the relationship and not just the early days. So to you all I say demand the romance (I’m not now saying go demand expensive gifts or whatever, in fact if you can’t do it for yourself don’t demand it from someone else). Let’s get back to letter writing and poetry I say.   

Feeling broody

So growing up I often felt that having kids was really something that was an alien idea. One which was a hundred light years away and do not apply to me at all. In fact I made such a huge deal of the matter, that the thought of pregnancy or rather carry an alien as I thought of it was most unlikely to happen.

Fast forward into my late 20’s (Which is where I am now) seems the baby fever is slowly creeping in. I know I still need to finish school, get back into the job market again and so fore but that nagging feeling of wanting to be a mommy is becoming a monstrous feeling that requires feeding.  One of my aunts once said when that feeling kicks in it’s really hard to let go off. As much as I entertain the idea, I worry about the kind of parent I will be. Will I be as good as my mother, because parenthood doesn’t come with a manual and it’s the one place where you can lose your child in trial and error. In this 21^st century time we are living in, everything has become scary, and being a great mom is the one thing I am afraid of failing at.

Am I feeling broody for the right reasons, is another question to ask? And I seriously don't know hey. I mean, I love kids and for some odd reason they seem to like me too but, geez am I prepared or am I just feeling left out by my friends and family! I’ve seen very few bad moms, and a many great ones but I fear I might fall into that minority group. So if this feeling of broodiness is like an addiction, right now I can simply not afford to buy the drug. Yes, I’ve heard not all parental experiences are the same but I am too busy worrying about the minority of things that could go wrong.

With that said, I am making a conscience decision to pack away the broodiness until further notice because this level of confusion is surely indicative of my not being ready. If you are feeling this way, know that you are not alone. I mean kids require love as much as they require financial stability and if you aren’t in those two places and frames of giving steer away from giving into the broodiness.

Friendship

Friendship is a concept I’ve come to appreciate. I first fell in love with it when I first stepped into boarding school at the tender age of 9. From the onset I came to realise the “I am going to tell my mommy days” would slowly be a thing of the past. Boarding school was the place where I first learned that family was anyone who cared about you.

                      

So over the years I grew the ability to know and see when a friendship was going to work out well or not. I must admit, I’ve made a lot of bad choices in my life but my friends are the one great choice I’ve never regretted. I have all sorts of friends from different works of life and they all seem to have one thing in common, SARCASM. I have friends who can make a bad joke feel like ice-cream on a hot summer’s day. If there were degrees for this sort of thing, most of them would be doctors in the field. Take T for example, super small woman but the girl can spit a joke as lethal as venom. Then there is S, her sarcasm is hidden in all the fancy English words (Which I am forced to google at times). GS is the worst, she can deliver a diss with a smile and motivational quote, and woman is a genius. Then we have the lady truth Miss L, girl tells the truth with no regard and she tells it with such finesse. I mean the list is endless, but these same guys who tell such shocking jokes that make you want to kill  yourself (depending on how sensitive you are) are my great friends, sisters. In fact they are my family.  Like all families we have our fights; they kak me out and I return the favour. They have however, always been supportive and available to listen to me rant about everything and anything.

So my question to you is, how lucky are you in friendship and how often do you take the time to walk down this two way street! At the end of the day, we are all human beings who tend to be connected to a circle of people who understand and get us with no judgement. Whose advice we filter and take because they ultimately they care about us.

When cheating becomes a weapon of choice

This is an open letter to all my brothers and sister out there. Hid my warning (liking the dramatic effect), we are often trapped in the shackles of what we term relationships sticking around even when things have gone bust because we believe ourselves to be the agent that changes the people in our lives to be better partners. If this is you I suggest you stop, stop thinking you change her/him to be the better person.

In the beginning of all relationships promises are made expectations are raised, trust is built and partners are bonded. However, when things start to head south because of various reasons like cheating being the common one, things change. That change is often good or bad, if done once and your partner confuses without you having to play detective I say by all means forgive him or her. Those cases are forgivable and trust can be rebuilt.

However, if he/she is a repeated offender of cheating and continuously lies to you, to you I say get the hell out of the kitchen because it is only likely to get worse. The reality that people chose to ignore is that love is no suppose to hurt, lie, cheat or make you feel unworthy of being loved and respected. Women and men stop this non-sense of disregarding the feelings of others; if you feel you’re not cut out to be faithful don’t get into a relationship. Don’t play on the good nature of others, because you can’t have your cake and eat it. If you can be disrespected now do you thinking getting married or having a baby will change things! Women stop trapping men with babies and men stop making women want to trap you (Note that I don’t discriminated). This vicious circle is creating a generation of bitter young people and the few good men and women of principles left become victims as a result there off. It is bloody annoying that some people are selfish and only think of themselves and put others in the “to hell with you” bracket. It’s sad to see so many people living in D-NILE/DENIAL (even I’ve swam in that river a couple of times). Victoria Holt once said “Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad its experience” so when things become bad, let go and think of the experience learnt. Sometimes it becomes more important to let go especially for your own sanity.

Sometimes you need to realise that “if you are brave to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” Paulo Coehlo, this hello will meaning loving yourself enough to know what you deserve and don’t deserve. If you plan to get back out there you also need to remember that good fortune only ever favours that brave, so be that brave someone.

Twisted realizations

I don’t know about you but I occasionally find myself doing some deep honest reflections. The trigger for all this is my worries on LIFE. Yes, even the most positive of us have at one time or another worried about things we have no control over and those that we do have control over. How you chose to let it affect you is entirely up to you.  

So (my signature word *giggles*) today I found myself in deep reflections, I mean I went through the almost all the occupants of the emo-train and that got me thinking about the stuff I regret, the shit I don’t and the shit I am yet to face in life. Is it really important or relevant to worry about the inevitable, I mean seriously life is a process and in that process there will be trials and errors that will be made. What and how we learn from these experiences is only reflective of our inner strengths. That ability is also dependent on the manual you use to govern your life. Be cautious as to not borrow other people’s life manuals for life was never meant to be a one size fit all. In fact the only replication you can use is your ability to FILTER, FILTER, FILTER because that is the only ability that can equip you with not being screwed over by yourself and LIFE.

My point is this, realizations are good but don’t dwell on them to long after you have packed up that baggage. Go out there and Carpe Diem.

Twisted democracy

It would seem the world is becoming hangover on the concept of DEMOCRACY, but what exactly is democracy in the 21^st century. We have all seen what has been happening in the Middle-East and it would seem the revolts were oriented around DEMOCRACY.

I often think to myself and wonder how the world around defines democracy. We have students beating and terrorising teachers, and because of this so called democracy butt whopping is becoming a no, no. Children are back chatting adults also in the name of democracy. I am sorry to say this but this DEMOCRACY BS is becoming a pain in the arse especially when it starts eroding away the moral principles of humanity. Democracy is not a free pass to becoming an absolute brat because you are protected by the laws of a democratic state which you might have voted for. I grew up in the era of butt whopping and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it provided it’s not done excessively or over the top. Democracy should not be used as a platform to fragment societies. People talk about the evil that was in Libya because of Gaddafi, but no one ever mentions the good that was done outside of this democracy (every coin has two side). Many democratic lead states in the world also have some of the highest unemployment stats in the world. So forgive if my sense of democracy is slightly distorted. You are blessed with a functioning brain use it to critique and uplift, understand your contributing role to this democracy we all spoke off.  Even in the face of this democracy we often find democratic states ruled in autocracy. Nothing is ever just black and white but when the black starts being span under the banner of democracy and used to make fools of other, I start to worry about the world we are heading to because it will require the redefining of democracy.

My point is this; before you go about preaching democracy understand the governing rules and morals that your version of democracy comes with. 

Smack

So on average or rather more than average occasions I'm told I talk smack (judgmental pricks out there), oops there goes that smack again. Ok, so OCCASIONALLY I vent smack, but that's just because I'm tired of all the shit going on in the world.


Fact: The world's population is going to increase beyond the earth's carrying capacity (I also need to add my number inevitably).
So don't be quick to disregard some stuff today, because a few hundred years from now they could become a reality. So keep on with the smack.

Scenario: As a result there off  oxygen could potentially become the newest hot commodity, or we start paying clean air tax. Yes, I'm sure you're think (what is this tart on) really! Remember the medieval ages or even the 18th century (my history might be slightly off), this was a time when the idea of WI-FI could have been considered as witchcraft (I'm sure you've all watched Season of the witch). Due to the theory of good old Charles Darwin, evolution happened (I've already left the human sphere please keep up), like the theory things have evolved. 


Anyhow, my smack point is this, through smack ideas, great things are born.

Being misunderstood

I dont know about you all but there are more days in the 365 available in the year were I am often forced to explain myself. It would seem I possess the power of being misunderstood. Almost 3/4 of the people I call my friends now have at some stage or another in their lives not liked me at all. Apparently, I ooze "The dont mess with me vibe I will put you back in your place". So it got me thinking or rather psycho analzing myself (Not to worry I only did a 20% analysis).

It got me thinking of the millions out there who have been in the same position as myself. Can I be mean at times? (of cause I can, I am only human after all), do I tell people off? (Nah, I've out grown that stage I would hope unless I am still swimming in D-nile). So have we gotten to that stage in life were everything is reliant on first impressions! I know i've used that lined but i've also learned that up until that point were you open your mouth and say something so stupid it makes me want to bitch slap you, I wouldnt judge you.

So before you go off misunderstanding and misinpreting the shit I say, psycho analysis you and then get back to me because chances are you're going to misunderstand me and join the now converted 3/4 later. So take a chill pill and stop playing the America in my every action.

The Theory of Superficialness

So I was asked to find a theory and since I am a genius at theorizing (How I wish) I decided to find a theory befitting the real world.

It turns out men seem to enjoy spring/summer more than woman reason being the 1/4 pieces that we women wear (I'm not judging mind you, that's a lie I am judging). I mean serious my eyes have been forced to look at butt cheeks, and I aint even into to women (I don't care how Meagan Foxish, Ms Unionishly hot you are) cover that beef, chicken up.

On the other hand men drool more in these two seasons. So it got me thinking between Men and Women who does the Theory of superficialness hold the strongest! Men will over look a plain Jane with potential for a platinum blonde (seems we also have darky blondes, haaibo man). Men will not even blink if you don't look like something out of a magazine. Lets not add to the mix their double standards (confused beings). Point is a plain Joe wants a Beyonce (I know in physics we're taught that opposites attract but in the real world that shit doesn't hold for human beings). Let me acknowledge the few great men out there, we see your efforts so please share your secret with the brothers. 

Yet there we are women taking in all sorts of broken cars, even the sort you wouldn't normally buy but you see the potential for it to become s smooth driving motor. I'm not saying we don't have a few women with men tendencies of superficialness. We're being basically being forced into debt to find love/sex/husbands whatsoever the hell else people are looking for. 

Ultimately, if you're bored and in need of a master's or PHD please feel free to test the Theory of superficialness. 

Night owling or witchcrafting!

So I've gotten positive feedback on my 2nd blog (needless to say I'm still in the "Cute baby phase") so these peeps could be stoking my ego and I'm not gonna lie..........I absolutely LIKE & APPROVE, duh I'm a woman of cause I like.

Lately, I've been having difficulty with the sleep fairy, seems she figured I've been sleeping way to long she decided to cut my sleep pattern in half. So I figured I could be doing one of two things Night Owling (being Lazy) or witchcrafting (being productive). Since I wasn't consulted about these cuts, hell I've decided to night owl. I mean seriously, have you seen what is on my mind! I literally feel like a super computer but I'm digesting my academic worries faster than I am my personal worries (makes me wonder if there is a heaven for people with a high worry tendencies, would I have multiple tickets).  

Anyhow back to the night owling, while you sitting there thinking time wasting (take a seat please, don't judge me) if you were being woken up at 01:30 due to your academic worries, you'll understand were I'm coming from. So as much I wish I could be witchcrafting and given that the hour is right for business (I read african tales and stuff from all over the world). So please tell the sleep fairy, to take a chill pill.  

So embrace which ever of the two works for you. Personally I'd recommend night owling when close to december, student life can be a wii bit boring!

Things that go bump in the night

I have decided to become an occasional blogger.

2013 has been a trying year, one filled with so many academic flops and achievements. I am not sure what I was thinking when I decided to do this school thing for the second time around. Hell, leaving my salary and comfortable life for school seemed like a great idea and until it hit me that I was back on a student budget.

Hell yes, a women's nightmare BUDGETING. Yes I know its needed but I need an occasional,once a week retail therapy. I've gone from buy to recycling. The kind of recycling I'm taking about is the bad kind, the kind that makes you look and feel like an old version of your old self. So I was never fashion forward (Bigger deal) but I had a style that was befitting to my personality.

Lets not even get to entertainment, geez to live in a country were owning a car is as necessary as breathing its sad. So my circumstances have forced me out of a real student life into a life of realisation and maturity (Admitting that was not easy). So my advice to you, if you're tempted to do go back to school for round 2 just know that the life you were used it is going to be pretty  much a picture in your review mirror.

However on the up side your possibilities become increasing endless. Sacrifice is indeed necessary.

So this is what a blog page looks like, uhmmmmm not bad. So after having reading so many blogs (that's what they are called right, eish) by this amazing woman +Lorraine Amollo I felt inspired to start my own little page, not that I will know what to say half the time so you'll need to just hang in there.

If you plan to follow some what of the things I'll be writing down, be warned I'm a self prescribed ADD/DYSLEXIC woman, yes I said it for the rest of the world to know. So if you read and it doesn't make sense to you, chances are it only made sense in my head but not in my writing.

I'll be venting alot to blow of steam and I will hold no prisoners. So you have been warned! I've gone blank already and I've just started, gosh. Check you on the flip side!