BEING PRIDEFUL

In life we often go around making stupid mistakes and judgement of others all in light of this thing called pride. Pride is so detrimental to the soul it can be your own worst enemy. Needless to say I am no stranger to this five letter word, even I can be so full of it occasionally sometimes for good but for the most times in the worst of situations.

As human beings we navigate towards pride in the most unnecessary of circumstances. For instance, at times when we’re wrong or have made mistakes that are eating away at our very soul, we would rather not apologise or admit we are wrong because of this stupid pride. We can be so full of it that; we only see, what we want to see, when we want to see it. When you’ve wronged people accept that you were wrong or they were wrong and forgive them, as we are only human. I’m not saying forgiveness is easy but it can be done, in fact all things are possible through Christ Jesus. I’ve been prideful with people so close it me I had no business being that, but I choose it thinking they would respect me more, instead they told me how stupid I was being and if I continued like this I would be dig my own grave with one of the deadliest of sins in the bible, hello even God hates pride because it cause a cloud in judgement. If you can’t take my word for it feel free to look at the following scripture verses (Leviticus 26:19, Chronicles 26:16, Proverbs 11:2, Isaiah 13:19; 2:12, Daniel 5;20, Deuteronomy 8:14 not forgetting the famous Corinthians 13:4) they all talk about God’s dislike of pride.

Pride is responsible for keeping some many people away from the blessing bestowed to them by the Lord. Pride will make a fool you long before you have seen and understood what is going on. It’s good to be walking around chest pumped out and you gloating in pride, that very same pride is making you look and act the fool. I’ve let pride control me for too long and I am sure I have missed countless blessings because of it, but I have turned a new leaf, pride and I have had fun together but it’s time for me to let him be. He has not brought me any good to date.

WHY DOES GROWING UP EQUATE TO LESS FRIENDS

So recently a good friend asked me a very important question. WHY DOES GROWING UP EQUATE TO LESS FRIENDS? The problem I had with this particular question was the fact that I was also guilty of being that kind of friend to some of my friends him included. By that ‘kind of friend’ I mean the one who has become so bad at keeping in touch because I am so wrapped up in my business. I find myself in a situation where the older I get, the fewer friends I have. For some odd reason I always assumed that was the natural order of life or is it!

However, I have come to realize that it is time to re-evaluate my stand point on the matter. The sad reality is we lose friends because both of you are not making an effort to work at that friendship. Yes, I understand that people are busy living their lives but taking time out to write a text, email or calling will not require 24 hours of your time. The worst is when people text and you don’t reply, talk about being told rude and clearly not interested. We are all busy, busy trying to make it in this life but we need to take time out to appreciate our friends. For now you might feel like you don’t need anybody and you truly might not, but we were not designed by God to without friends.  The reality is we have less friends the older we get because of the stages of life we go through. When in high school we start forgetting about our primary school friends, in varsity we forget the high school friends and after graduation we forget the varsity friends. However, ultimately, all this sense of forgetting is about making time management. Friendships like relationships need to be constantly maintained and worked on. Some might even argue that friends fall out because an element of jealousy in the success of others starts to creep in. Your true friends will always be there in your failures and success. So if you have friends who've stuck around through your waste of times without judgement or those who encourage you when you have lost hope in yourself, those friends are keepers.

So to answer this question, I guess some people just stop viewing us as friends as time passes by. They go on to start new circles and if you don’t move in those circles some friendship then frizzle out over time.

ALL MEN/WOMEN CHEAT OR NOT!

So if you live on this planet and you’re not under age it is safe to say you’ve used this statement at some point or another ‘all men/women cheat’ depending on which side of the spectrum you are standing. As true as this statement might sound, not all men or women cheat. Those who use the statement have just had the misfortune of learning from one of life’s experiences.


Truth be told no man or woman, who truly cares about the other person in their lives would want to cheat on them let alone hurt them, period! When you hurt your partner you also hurt yourself if you truly care at all for them. The infliction of pain on someone whom you care about is something you will never indulge in especially if you foresee a future with that person. In my opinion, people who cheat are those who can’t bring themselves to be honest with other person in their lives. For whatever the reasons, nothing justifies cheating. If you are unhappy or you’ve met someone else who tickles your fancy, tell the person in your life to release them and walk away. There is nothing worse than when one person is moving on whilst holding the other ‘hostage’ because you think lying is better. It is only better for you that is lying because you get to eat your cake and have it. If you truly care for the other person be honest with them. Yes, the truth will stink like hell but you’ll know where you stand enough to stop making a fool of yourself and fighting for a fight already lost. No, you shouldn’t have to read between the lines because the same way said you liked each other you can say it’s over. Rather the pain that goes away eventually and not the one that leads you into thinking all men/women cheat.


Remember that when you cheat you are not just cheating on someone, you are also cheating yourself out of trust and happiness on both sides of whatever you are involved in. There is only so many times that trust can be broken. Yes, things could get back to ‘some normal’ but you would also have helped induce paranoia which is only leads to fights, and more fighting. As human beings we often believe that lying is better, yet the ripple effects of lies are far more damaging. The next good women/men who walk into to the lives of the damaged are sacrificed by the mistakes of other. So know this now, not all men/women cheat, just because you got done over last time the next person you are going to be involved with might not cheat on you at all. Furthermore, stop carrying the baggage from your previous relationship into the next, because you will only ruin things before they have even begun. Sometimes, we are quick to fight for people forgetting that maybe just maybe that is not the person God has planned for you. Learn to guard your heart and pray you would be amazed at the peace God can give you in your darkest hours. So ladies and gentlemen if you aren’t feeling the person in your life let them go rather than making a fool of them by cheating on them. Remember, just because you got hurt today it doesn’t mean the same will happen tomorrow. There are genuine people out there, just be open enough to drop your baggage before you get back on the dating horse.

TRUSTING YOUR GUT

Often times we hear the expression ‘trust your gut’ or ‘trust your instincts’ yet as human beings we choose to ignore that gut feeling even when it is screaming so loud its echoes can be heard at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. So why do we ignore it?

It’s rather quite simple to be honest. As human beings we don’t like to fail, lose or even acknowledge defeat when we set our minds to wanting something. We ignore the red flags so much so we turn them green just so we can justify why we went past them in the first place. Like babies, we like to be told what we want to hear even when we know clearly, there is no truth in what is being said.

We need to remember, not all things in this life are meant to stay with us forever, jobs, friends, opportunities, girlfriends, boyfriends……………all these things are some point will need to be just seasonal and not worthy of a life time. Flowers bloom on a seasonal bases but an oak tree can grow and live longer then some human beings. This is the same with people and opportunities.

For heck’s sake even seasons change as do human beings. Remember that everything, person or opportunity has something different to offer. It is up to you to decide if what is being offered is what you want or need for yourself. Be wary to ask advice from people not befitting to give it, e.g. relationship advice from a non-committer, career advice from a career-less person. How do you ask advice, from someone who hasn't gotten it right themselves! Avoid putting yourself in situations where your gut is screaming No, No. Don’t push for the wrong things and complain when things go wrong.

Learn to communicate your needs and wants to avoid disappointments. Don’t make assumptions and expect to get the results or treatment you think you deserve if you don’t open your mouth. Don’t assume things because to do so, you will only ‘ASS-U-ME’. If you communicate your wants and needs and you aren’t getting them, move on and don’t waste your time. Stop pouring energy into something to make it work if it’s not right.

To quote Nina Shadi “…leave people behind that do not serve your happiness, and deplete you of joy. Don’t put your energy into feeding a person or experiences something that it doesn’t want or need. Don’t spend time with the people that do not make you happy and feed your soul. Don’t try to make people into something that they are not; and don’t do the same with experiences. Always keep in mind that everyone and everything has its own manual. Don’t assume that you have all the answers already, and know what’s best. Remember that we all have different needs, speeds of growth, feelings and communication styles. Read the instruction manual and proceed with caution. Stay away from bad apples. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and give people second chances, but always trust your gut and do what is right in your heart first and foremost. Remember, everything has meaning, and everything has its own phase; don’t try to extend it past that; it’ll only bring you unneeded pain and disappointment”.

HAVING JOY IN YOUR HEART

So in church this week I met a very interesting 87 year old woman. For someone her age she looked super happy and full of joy.

Let me just rewind this story from the beginning. So this Sunday in church as I was standing in the queue to have my bowl of soup, lost in my own thoughts and worries about life and all things worldly. This old lady turns around looks at me and says, I have so much joy in my heart in fact I have so much music in my heart I just want to sing. I was busy being in the bad neighbourhood of my mind, I looked at this lady and I said to myself what the hell just happened.

I politely asked her to repeat herself and she said “I have so much music in my heart I want to sing for the Lord”. Obviously having just been in my bad space I said to her I have no music in my heart at the moment. With that she turned around looked at me and smiled and started sing for me about having joy, the love of Christ through music in the heart. Upon finishing the song, she told me I don’t blame you for not having any music in your heart because things have changed so much so since she was a young girl. She said I can tell you this because I am 87 years old. I looked at her and said no way can you be that old. This woman had the body of a 70 year old and the spirit of a happy child. In fact reflecting upon this woman now, I can say I was jealous of the joy she seemed to have in abundance.

With that she continued singing the song for me until in finished. With which she looked at me and said I have seen so much in this life time I am ready to go home. Of cause, I was a bit slow to get her drift as I saw her walk away towards the table to have her soup in peace. I think she was telling me that she has lived a full life if she passed on now she would have no regrets.  In her absence from my side, I suddenly started asking myself who was I to have a heavy heart when even old 87 olds who has clearly seen more was not complaining. This woman has lived almost three life times compared to me yet she had the joy that even I didn’t have. In that moment I told myself to snap out of it because, I had not seen as much as this woman had in my life so I had no reason whatsoever to be this gloom.

GROWING UP AND MESSING UP

Today I woke up feeling rather odd. The kind of odd that you can’t explain yet it brings you so much peace you smile to yourself and wonder what the Lord has planned for you. The joy I feel in my heart at the moment is unexplained. If fact, it has put me at such ease that I know all will be well for a worrisome me. It is in this joy I chose to write this poem or whatever you want to call it.

GROWING UP

Remember how when you were young you couldn't wait to be older, I also use to be like that. I hated the fact that my mom made most of the decisions for me with regards to what I wore, where I went to school,  how I did my hair and to some extend who I could play with. Every time I did something wrong and I got scolded, I would say in my heart, I can’t wait to be older because I wouldn't have to deal with this shit no more.

For a while there growing up seemed to have its peeks. I felt that independence coming on and I started being able to choose what to wear, how to do my hair, who I could hang with and where to go to school. As a matter of fact I was being almost independent of my mom not forgetting I still received an allowance from her. Gone are the days when I needed her advice. I was now able to take decisions and be proud of myself. My mom’s hold on me was slowly diminishing and I loved it. I was slowly getting into the world.

With time, I found out boys were cool and having a boyfriend was just as great. In that point my mom has almost if not completely been erased from my mind were decisions are concerned. However, she notices the change in me and advises that one needs to be careful of boys. I look at her and smile and think to myself, what could she possibly know about guys. The arrogance of young people I tell you. In fact, I forget that my mom was once a young adult herself and she had lived through all this before.

However, when my first heartbreak kicks in, I realize how much I need my mother. I remember the days when she took all the decisions for me because they never led to any breaking of any sorts. The more mistakes I make the more I miss the dependence of having someone else take the decisions for me. A mother I had taken for granted and at times undervalued her wisdom just for the trill of this little thing I call independence. How foolish we are to think we can go through life without adult consult, wisdom is not born it is grown. So seek consult from your parents and appreciate their advice because when they are no more all you will have are mistakes and regrets of not having seeked it while they were alive. 

THE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED

I know I’ve not been writing as much as I use to but I've been busy so do bare with me. In the wake of my absence from blogging so many wonderful things happened. As a matter of fact, it is because of these wonderful things that I got the time to reflect on life in general. After much denial and debates with my friends (God bless their sweet souls) they figured its time I started writing about more positive things and less of the agro stuff. Having ears on my head and my heart I took this advice to heart. I am not totally ditching the juicer topics; however, I will try to balance the blog posts from now on. With that said, today I am going to touch on the issue of APPRECIATION.

What is appreciation?

I am not one shy of showing emotion and appreciation. I try to tell my friends and family how much I appreciate them because every day we have is borrowed. As human beings, it is in our nature to take certain things for granted like friends, family, a good education, a good lady/man etc. We are so wrapped up in overlooking the people we care about, we forget to tell them how much they mean to us because we assume they know we do.

Assumptions can be pretty dangerous, and you don’t want to live a life of regret. How often do tell the people you care about that you appreciate them, or how often do you pray and thank the Lord your God for a new day? I mean we don’t just miraculously wake ourselves up without the grace of a greater being. Do you even take the time to thank him for always holding your hand in the darkest hours of your life? Growing up I always use to wonder why our parents become so religious the older they got. They are always reminding you to have the presence of God in your life and go to church. In fact, I even use to mock the fact that only disappointed people went to church, boy was I so wrong.

A good friend of mine once told me, you can not want to succeed in life and not be anchored in the grace and guidance of God. At the time I had actually laughed it off and said whatever. However, the older I get, the more I've come to appreciate the institution that is religion. In this human life, there is only so much that your parents, family and friends can do for you. It is in this space that need to seek God, because where all else fails, God will still be the last man standing by your side and telling you all will be well. This is the space in which our parents place us when we venture out into to the world without them. Every time I went home my mom would fuss about my lack of religions grounding and I would tell her to chill and every time I gave her that answer she would reply “my dear owapumbwa kalunga mongalemweno yoye, Tameka uutale hoyikongeleka” (which translates into, My dear, you need God in your life please start going to church) and I’d reply soon mom, soon.  

When I called her to talk about anything that was bothering me, she would always tell me to pray. Its only when I started taking her advice to heart that I finally came to appreciate why she felt the need for me to find God because only then could I appreciate him and his teaches to make me realize that all the things I considered to be problems were actually not especially if I prayed about them.