GETTING WITH A MARRIED MAN

Article written by: Butterfly Girl 

How I never thought this would be me one day. Like most girls, I grew up to have dreams of a perfect husband at a certain age. I never thought this would happen to me. No one really thinks it will happen to them. No one wishes for it to happen, until one day, you’re in this too deep and you won’t get out.

Yes, I am talking about that one thing…..that complicated thing. An affair with a married man! I never could comprehend how one gets involved with a married man, how do you let yourself get in so deep, so deep that you won’t listen to reason, that you won’t see things for what they are, that he will never leave his wife, it doesn’t matter what he tells you and how much it looks rocky on his end with his wife, he will not leave his wife. And here you are, always telling yourself, “well; with me it’s different”. Yes, it’s always different isn’t it? Perhaps it’s because you are two different people? Mind you the situation is always the same though, the scenario is always the same as the other people’s stories that you’ve heard of. But still, even with all those facts, you still “believe” your case is different.

This was not written to discourage or encourage anyone to do anything. I’m merely sharing this story because I never shared it with anyone really.

I was involved with a married man; I never thought it would happen to me. I didn’t want it to ever happen to me. But it did. So what? Well, I don’t know what to say about it. That man was wonderful I tell you. Now, here’s the difference too about mine, his wife knew about me. They had arranged their life in such a way that I was accommodated too. Yup, I had that kind of an affair with this man. So I had like 3 days in a week, just for me, and the family had the four days. On weekdays, I had the Monday, Wednesday and Friday lunches to spend with him, and Tuesdays and Thursdays and most weekends were for the family.

I don’t know why girls get involved with married men (I speak of girls because I am one and I speak only of what I know). But for me, it was more because I wanted to know what it is I’m warning girls about when I tell them, “don’t ever date a married man”. What exactly are you saying? Why shouldn’t they? So for me, I dated a married man for the experience, for the lesson to learn. I’m one of those people, when I’m told not to touch a hot stove, I will touch it just to see why I got such a stern warning and from that, I will have my own experience to live and tell. So the same applied to this relationship. I did it for the experience. I wasn’t particularly in love with this man, or did I at any point fall in love with him, no, I just liked the way he treated me because HE was rather in love with me. We didn’t have the relationship where I get showered with jewelry and trips to places, no, I had the other one. The one where we sit in a restaurant and he looks at me not like he’s undressing me, no, but like I’m the only thing in the world that exists at that moment. This man was the ideal boyfriend, the kind of guy every girl wants and dreams of. The one who makes you a priority, the one that makes you a point of his existence, even if it’s just for a while. This man would sneak off work to have coffee with me, he would get out of a meeting to come see my face.

It was great to have that kind of attention, to have been loved like that, if there’s such a thing at all. I felt great. And mind you, this man didn’t have problems in his marriage, he simply just fell in love with me and “there was nothing he could do but be with me” he’d said. So I let him.

It was fun though, it was wonderful to have that kind of thing with a man. He made me feel so butterfly-like. When it was over though, I had no regrets, I had learned a lot and unfortunately for the men out there, my standards have gone up high. Now that I know that kind of thing really exists and I have gone through it, I know I don’t have to settle for bullshit. I have learned one thing though, one important thing, and it’s that I never want that kind of relationship again. It’s so limited, we never shared my small moments, I couldn’t call him all the time or any time I wanted. So no thank you ma’am, I won’t go back there now that I know how hot that stove is.

I’m a very open-minded girl, I take chances that I didn’t really think I’d ever have guts to take. I still do, because we only regret the things we didn’t do. So I live!

LIVE AND LET LIVE!!           

SHOPPING WOES

I recently found myself looking at my closet and going what the hell. Yep, as in the closet is empty (by women standards) and the last time I was actually in the shop buying anything was last year. Yes, I had become a shopping virgin in the last 4 months straight! If you’re a woman you’re thinking what an achievement and the guys are probably going sure thing that’s normal. So how did I become the girl who hasn’t bought anything in forever, in simple terms I am what they call a student or as my dad likes to put it ‘the leech of his money’.

Being a student is hard especially when you like things the way I do. I am at a point where I have to make an informed decision between KFC one meal and its gone or buying bread which can go beyond 3 days. At times I’ve had to convince yourself the mall is an infectious disease that I need to stay away from because all it does is take and take your money. It is even worse if you are a red label groupie like me................SALES girl. In order for me to stay away from the red labels I avoid the mall like the black plague. As a matter of fact when I told my friend I had not bought anything (clothe wise) they thought I was strong excising self control (The internal laughter I had at that moment) which was an absolute lie. I was flat broke to buy anything, period.

So as a reward for good behaviour I went out and got myself a top. Boy did I make a huge mistake. I felt like an ex alcoholic in a liquor store. Everything in the store was calling out to me and my atm card. The speed at which I left the mall was faster than sonic the hedgehog (Know your cartoons...LOL). Needless to say this new found hippie life style is good for my bank account which is already struggling to get to month end. 

DOING THE RIGHT THING

I don’t know about you, but do you ever feel like in doing the right thing it normally translates into you losing out. Sorry, have I lost you, let me try and explain this in the simplest of manners. The hardest thing to do in this life or the next is to do the right thing! Question is what does doing the right thing mean? To me it basically means not doing to others what you don’t want done unto you.  Some might argue that if you are not benefitting from doing this so called right thing does is make it right! Question I would ask is this, does doing right need to translate into you gaining from it?

The sad reality is that in doing the right thing you are always more likely to lose out, worse still is that after you’ve done the right thing you’re likely to want to rethink your decision because you don’t benefit. In fact I feel often enough this life of ours, is likely to reward people who don’t do the right thing. It is just messed up because it feels like the baby literally gets thrown out with the bath water on you. True, you could argue that in doing the right thing a feeling of slight regret can be invoked in terms of you doing the right thing, however, this feeling is temporal. The question you need to ask yourself is this, what is more important to you, being rewarded or having a clear conscience?

Honestly, speaking for me I have found my conscience to be more important than the rewards because what is the point of having rewards when you lose sleep over them. When your conscience is not clear it’s basically like living inside a prison in your mind, a prison of your own making none the less. So if rewards are what you after, by all means step on people’s toes and wrong them all the time. But if you want eternal peace do the right thing, your rewards might not come then and there but when they do arrive they will be in abundance and everlasting. As a matter of fact that feeling that comes with it, is one in which you can look in the mirror and be proud of the person reflected in it. Moreover, as a young person what would you want to teach your own kids in terms of right and wrong.